I had another doctor's appointment yesterday and had my 3d ultrasound. Got to see my little guy. And we were finally able to get some pictures of him! It's definitely bitter sweet. I love getting to see him, but am so heartbroken over this whole situation and knowing that he isn't going to live. He is so precious.
He is still really small, weighing just over 3lbs. Everything still looks the same. I have too much amniotic fluid as he isn't swallowing it like he should. Its not a big problem, although I have already become very uncomfortable and am finding it hard to breath with the extra amniotic fluid taking up more space in my uterus. I have another appointment in 2 weeks and we will check my fluid to see if it has increased. We might have to look into induction. From the beginning I had determined that I didn't want to be induced as I feel like its me/us deciding the day Brasen will pass. I know this is in God's hands and it will work out the way that He has planned. I am hoping to go into labor naturally, but he may not come on his own. God's timing is perfect and I am trying to rest in that.
This is all still so surreal to me. It is still hard for me to grasp that this is really happening. His heartbeat is strong, he moves around all the time, this seems like any other pregnancy.....it's hard to believe that something is wrong with him.
I know there are people who don't agree with our decision to not abort. It's not an easy decision to make, but it is the one we know God wanted us to make. Life is such a beautiful thing...a gift God gives us. Each of us has a life worth living. We aren't here on earth by chance, by some random act...God has a plan for each one of us. I am realizing this more and more the older I get. God has an intricate plan that each one of us are woven into for his ultimate purpose and glory. We wanted to give Brasen a chance at life. And no matter how long or short that life may be, it is worth living. Brasen has a purpose..he is wanted and loved dearly. He will always be our little baby boy.
Be not afraid of life, Believe that life is worth living...
-William James
Kimi,
ReplyDeleteYou are on several prayer chains that I am involved with. You and Brazen are in our thoughts and prayers daily. We continue to pray for a miracle. Gods will, not ours.....Know that we care!
Ron, Cathy, Nicole & Cara Zacharias
Thank you so much Cathy! I appreciate your prayers.
DeleteYour testimony in God's sovereignty is a blessing. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThere is one thing we have learned about conviction and that is you have to live with it, so we are thankful that you aren't concerned with what others think. You have been in our hearts and in our prayers since we first learned of this and will continue. God has carried you thus far, and will continue.
We rejoice in your testimony and grieve the heartache with you. We love you Kimi & Ryan.
Kelly and Amber
Thank you so much Amber! You have blessed me and my family. Thank you for your love and support!
DeleteKimi, I know we don't know each other that well (I'm Lauren's sister), but I have been reading your posts, coming up to speed w/ your story. Your strength is amazing, and I that only comes from above. My heart aches for you. Though I have not personally gone through this type of loss, my husband and I did lose a baby at 15 weeks. I remember the pain I felt for a child I had hardly come to know, yet had so quickly began to imagine holding it in my arms, and all the wonderful memories that would be made. And then, in minutes after finding no heartbeat at a routine ultrasound, it was over.
ReplyDeleteI'll admit, I don't pray as much as I should. But tonight and often, I will remember you, your family, and this precious little boy that God has chosen you to love and keep for this short time.
Cindy C.
Hi Cindy! Thank you so very much for your note. I think the loss of a baby at any time would be difficult to deal with. I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for thinking of us during this time. God bless.
DeleteYour faith in God is truly amazing. My heart goes out to you and I will pray for your continued strength.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!
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