Alright! Here it is. We finally picked a name for our little guy! Its been hard thinking of a name and agreeing on something, but also its been hard thinking of naming our baby knowing he isn't going to live and be part of our family here on earth. But we found his name!
Brasen Creed Seals
Brasen means "God's gift" and Creed means "Belief". He is God's gift to us and we love him so much!
Thank you all for going along on this journey with us and for praying for Brasen and our family. We are truly blessed!
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Heartbreaking news
Well, here it is...January 2013. A new year. A year of change, growth, faith, strength and possibly the biggest trial we have ever faced. So I have decided to start a blog to collect all of my thoughts and feelings and write them down to share with whoever stumbles upon them! This is something that I will want in years to come..these words, memories and feelings that I have made note of here and now. So here goes!
Ok, I will rewind a bit!
September 10th 2012-It was a beautiful sunny day! My daughter was at school, my boys were at a friends house for daycare while I was at work. I had had a feeling that I might be pregnant for about a week, but hadn't taken a test yet. I ended up having to go to the store to pick up supplies for my dad's business that I work for...so I decided to buy a test! To my surprise...it was a positive! Wow! I was pregnant! Again! With my 4th! (my little guy had just turned 1 in June)I had very mixed emotions(and now I regret not being super excited right from the beginning). Quite shocked, excited, overwhelmed. I could not wait to get home and tell my hubby! I almost called him, but made myself wait! When I told him the news that evening he was beyond excited!! He had really wanted a 4th! We had talked about having another child, but had planned to wait another year or so. It took me a few days to get used to the idea, but as time went on I got very excited! This was going to be our 4th...was going to complete our family...our last baby.
I had a great first trimester! Felt great! Much better than with my 3rd pregnancy! I was exercising, hardly sick and actually had alittle energy! I was very thankful!
I had my first appointment October 15th. I wasn't quite far enough along to hear the heartbeat, but talked with my doctor and did all the fun blood work! I hate getting my blood drawn! :) Everything seemed to be going so well! I had hardly gained any weight too, which for me is unusual, but I wasn't complaining! :)
The next month went by. Halloween was over and we were into November! I had my second appointment scheduled for November 13th. I was almost 15 weeks along.. Finally got to hear baby's heartbeat!! Definitely one of my most favorite things in the world! Hearing the life that is growing inside of you! It was a good normal strong heartbeat. Of no concern. My appointment ended and I was scheduling my ultrasound for the following month when the ultrasound tech came to the front desk. I know her well as I have seen her many times over the years!(I have had the same doctor for all my pregnancies) She summoned me back to her room and asked me if I wanted a "picture" of my baby. Since I was a seasoned veteran and a well known patient she wanted to do this for me! Very kind of her....and I believe NOT a coincidence. God knew what was going on. She doesn't ever offer her patients early "pics" of their baby before their actual ultrasound.
She was a little quiet during the picture and informed me that my due date looked off. I appeared to only be 13 weeks instead of 15 like I had thought. No big deal. She said she needed to talk to my Dr. and would be right back since I wasn't quite as far along as we had thought. Again...no big deal. I went home after scheduling an ultrasound for the following tuesday to get an exact due date...not knowing anything.
The following monday, November 19th I was again at work. Got a call on my cell reminding me of my appointment the next day. For some reason I decided to tell the lady that I thought we needed to reschedule. She told me she would call me back. A couple hours later(2:30 pm) the ultrasound tech, Kay, called me and said these words that a mother never wants to hear. "I think there is a problem with your baby". My heart fell to the floor. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I asked her if she could tell me what was going on. She said I needed to come in so she could do a full ultrasound to see if she was right. I called Ryan. He immediately found someone to cover his class and rushed in to meet me at the Dr.'s office so we could do the ultrasound right then. Definitely a God thing. I would have gone to the appointment the next day by myself which would have been difficult to hear the news of our baby's condition without my husband with me.
She didn't say anything. Finished the ultrasound and waited for my doctor to come in and tell us what was going on. I have never felt so at a loss and so helpless. What was going on? What is wrong? Was this something I could have caused?
Our sweet baby boy was developing without the top of his skull. A condition called A-crania. Without the skull he will not be able to live outside of the womb. His condition is terminal.
In all my life, this was never something I could have ever imagined happening. Never thought I would be asked if I wanted to terminate my pregnancy. Never thought that was something I would ever have to go through.
We are firm believers that God is the one who decides life and death. Not us. Abortion is not an option. That is not our decision to make.
After several other ultrasounds and seeing a specialist we found out alittle bit more. Our sweet boy also has a club hand and has a spine condition similar to spina bifida.
I am completely heartbroken. I cry just about every day. My baby supposedly isn't going to live. How are you to deal with something like this? It is completely out of my hands. There is nothing "I" can do, but trust God. HE is faithful and has given this to us for a reason. HE has a purpose and a plan for my little guy. I may not understand. But I trust in God.
This is not something I would have ever chosen for myself, BUT I am thankful for this trial in my life because I have grown so much through this already. God has really helped me have strength and helped me truly put my faith in him. Something that has been hard for me to do in the past. I trust him completely. He can heal my little boy if that is his plan or he may go home to be with Jesus. God knows his future.
I am 21 weeks pregnant now. I feel my little guy move all the time which is SO much fun! The best part of pregnancy by far! My due date is May 26th. I am trusting in God for the outcome that is perfect. Not what I want, but what God wants through this all. Life or death...all glory be to God. For now I will enjoy my pregnancy...as best I can. The second trimester has been alittle less kind to me than the first was! :)
These verses I leave with you-
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for your declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Ok, I will rewind a bit!
September 10th 2012-It was a beautiful sunny day! My daughter was at school, my boys were at a friends house for daycare while I was at work. I had had a feeling that I might be pregnant for about a week, but hadn't taken a test yet. I ended up having to go to the store to pick up supplies for my dad's business that I work for...so I decided to buy a test! To my surprise...it was a positive! Wow! I was pregnant! Again! With my 4th! (my little guy had just turned 1 in June)I had very mixed emotions(and now I regret not being super excited right from the beginning). Quite shocked, excited, overwhelmed. I could not wait to get home and tell my hubby! I almost called him, but made myself wait! When I told him the news that evening he was beyond excited!! He had really wanted a 4th! We had talked about having another child, but had planned to wait another year or so. It took me a few days to get used to the idea, but as time went on I got very excited! This was going to be our 4th...was going to complete our family...our last baby.
I had a great first trimester! Felt great! Much better than with my 3rd pregnancy! I was exercising, hardly sick and actually had alittle energy! I was very thankful!
I had my first appointment October 15th. I wasn't quite far enough along to hear the heartbeat, but talked with my doctor and did all the fun blood work! I hate getting my blood drawn! :) Everything seemed to be going so well! I had hardly gained any weight too, which for me is unusual, but I wasn't complaining! :)
The next month went by. Halloween was over and we were into November! I had my second appointment scheduled for November 13th. I was almost 15 weeks along.. Finally got to hear baby's heartbeat!! Definitely one of my most favorite things in the world! Hearing the life that is growing inside of you! It was a good normal strong heartbeat. Of no concern. My appointment ended and I was scheduling my ultrasound for the following month when the ultrasound tech came to the front desk. I know her well as I have seen her many times over the years!(I have had the same doctor for all my pregnancies) She summoned me back to her room and asked me if I wanted a "picture" of my baby. Since I was a seasoned veteran and a well known patient she wanted to do this for me! Very kind of her....and I believe NOT a coincidence. God knew what was going on. She doesn't ever offer her patients early "pics" of their baby before their actual ultrasound.
She was a little quiet during the picture and informed me that my due date looked off. I appeared to only be 13 weeks instead of 15 like I had thought. No big deal. She said she needed to talk to my Dr. and would be right back since I wasn't quite as far along as we had thought. Again...no big deal. I went home after scheduling an ultrasound for the following tuesday to get an exact due date...not knowing anything.
The following monday, November 19th I was again at work. Got a call on my cell reminding me of my appointment the next day. For some reason I decided to tell the lady that I thought we needed to reschedule. She told me she would call me back. A couple hours later(2:30 pm) the ultrasound tech, Kay, called me and said these words that a mother never wants to hear. "I think there is a problem with your baby". My heart fell to the floor. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I asked her if she could tell me what was going on. She said I needed to come in so she could do a full ultrasound to see if she was right. I called Ryan. He immediately found someone to cover his class and rushed in to meet me at the Dr.'s office so we could do the ultrasound right then. Definitely a God thing. I would have gone to the appointment the next day by myself which would have been difficult to hear the news of our baby's condition without my husband with me.
She didn't say anything. Finished the ultrasound and waited for my doctor to come in and tell us what was going on. I have never felt so at a loss and so helpless. What was going on? What is wrong? Was this something I could have caused?
Our sweet baby boy was developing without the top of his skull. A condition called A-crania. Without the skull he will not be able to live outside of the womb. His condition is terminal.
In all my life, this was never something I could have ever imagined happening. Never thought I would be asked if I wanted to terminate my pregnancy. Never thought that was something I would ever have to go through.
We are firm believers that God is the one who decides life and death. Not us. Abortion is not an option. That is not our decision to make.
After several other ultrasounds and seeing a specialist we found out alittle bit more. Our sweet boy also has a club hand and has a spine condition similar to spina bifida.
I am completely heartbroken. I cry just about every day. My baby supposedly isn't going to live. How are you to deal with something like this? It is completely out of my hands. There is nothing "I" can do, but trust God. HE is faithful and has given this to us for a reason. HE has a purpose and a plan for my little guy. I may not understand. But I trust in God.
This is not something I would have ever chosen for myself, BUT I am thankful for this trial in my life because I have grown so much through this already. God has really helped me have strength and helped me truly put my faith in him. Something that has been hard for me to do in the past. I trust him completely. He can heal my little boy if that is his plan or he may go home to be with Jesus. God knows his future.
I am 21 weeks pregnant now. I feel my little guy move all the time which is SO much fun! The best part of pregnancy by far! My due date is May 26th. I am trusting in God for the outcome that is perfect. Not what I want, but what God wants through this all. Life or death...all glory be to God. For now I will enjoy my pregnancy...as best I can. The second trimester has been alittle less kind to me than the first was! :)
These verses I leave with you-
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for your declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
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